


Don't Touch Me

by CO32minus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst for maybe 2 seconds, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Gossip, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, THIS IS OLD WRITING PLEASE, i'm so bad at tagging yall, is trying to play games and its awful, not between kageyama and hinata they're good some ass just
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-18 23:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12398838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CO32minus/pseuds/CO32minus
Summary: And when she sees Hinata coming back from the restroom, that’s exactly what she tries to pull.“You can’t be friends with him anymore.”----------------------------------------------------Some girl has spread the rumor that she's Kageyama Tobio's girlfriend, and he very much does not want anything to do with her.





	1. Yeah, No Thanks

 

Kageyama Tobio is a particularly single-minded person. So when Yachi hears that he’s dating some second year girl, it’s not altogether surprising that at practice that evening there’s nothing different about him. His performance isn’t dampened in the slightest - focus, precision, and literally whatever it is that makes him so good. Yachi can’t...really tell yet. But she knows - lord does she know - that when a person so much as has a _crush_ on someone their brain goes somewhere else. She knows less so about being in an actual relationship but she assumes it’s probably even worse. Unless? You’re Kageyama? she guesses, but she can’t help but shake the feeling that the gossip found in lunchtime whispers is just that.

So when practice ends and everyone scatters to find their respective water bottles, Yachi lets curiosity get the best of her and scurries over to Kageyama.

“Kageyama-kun, do you have a girlfriend?” Her phrasing and lack of context makes Tobio do a spit-take.

While he’s busy wiping the water off of his hands, the second year duo Tanaka and Nishinoya waggle their eyebrows at each other.

“Are we watching our young Kageyama be confessed to right before our very eyes?”

“No!!! Oh god no! No! No.” She barks out an awkward laugh and is immediately embarrassed by it. “No - I just overheard that you were dating a second year girl, but you didn’t seem different during practice, so, I was just - curious?”

The team’s ears prick up at the news, exchanging glances, searching each other’s faces to see if the others had already heard of this. Tanaka saunters over, hands in his shorts and a crazed look in his eyes. He looks Kageyama up and down nodding his head in contemplation.

“Trying to get a girlfriend before me huh? Gonna date one of your senpai’s huh?”

Nishinoya follows Tanaka’s lead, shoves his hands in his own pants, and scuttles over to join in the badgering.

“Huh?”

“Huh?”

“Huh?” They jump around him in a circle as if performing a ritual.

“No. I’m, not dating anyone. I don’t have time for it.” Just for that Tanaka jabs at him a few times. “Dating means less time for practice.”

Most everyone rolls their eyes. Tsukishima scoffs, Suga sort of giggles, and Hinata breathes a sigh of relief.

“What girl is it anyway?” Someone pipes in.

“A 3rd classroom 2nd year.”

“Yamaguchi, are you in on this?”

“What, no! I just hear things.”

“Yeah right. He’s probably our year’s biggest gossip.” Yamaguchi squawks indignantly.

A few more questions are asked - if Kageyama has heard about this before, if he knows who this girl might be, if he’s going to do anything about it. Most of the answers are no, but that last one is a definitive yes. While he feels the rumor probably won’t affect him all that much (as long as nothing keeps him from being able to play volleyball he’s fine) he doesn’t particularly enjoy having people say weird stuff about him behind his back. And, like them all, he’s just plain curious.

Tobio uses his lunch period the next day to investigate. He wolfs down his food even faster than normal, jogs down to the vending machine to get his milk and heads back up to the second year classrooms. He opens the door a little too loudly and frightens more than a couple people. After a lot of whispering and unintentional awkward eye contact someone makes the connection that he’s on the volleyball team. They wake up Tanaka who had been drooling onto his gakuran for a hot minute.

“Oi, Kageyama what are you doing here?” He tries to lean on the wall cool-like, missing it at first but steadying himself. “Do you need something?”

“Ah. I’m looking for the girl that says she’s my girlfriend.”

“You...this is classroom 1 Kageyama.”

“Yes.”

“Yamaguchi said she was in classroom 3.”

“...Oh.”

He bows and heads off to the correct classroom.

When he gets there someone’s already standing in the doorway and Kageyama peaks in. There’s a muted squeal of delight and a girl with thick brown hair tied into a half ponytail bounds over. Her face seems completely unfamiliar, but considering how confidently she takes Kageyama’s hands in hers and smiles at him, he assumes this must be _the girl._ She’s more than half a head shorter than Kageyama, but her presence is intimidating, and when she smiles at him there’s a sense of dishonesty. And also a great intensity, a tiger waiting in the trees.

Without knowing, he’d stepped back into the hallway quite a few feet. Other students started to fill the corridor, but there’s isolation in their gathering around him.

“Is it you?”

“Is what me?”

“Are you the girl who’s claiming to be my girlfriend?”

A laugh bubbles from her chest and she bats at him playfully. “Tobio-chaaan, you’re so mean. Why do you say that like I’m not?”

“Because you aren’t?” His face scrunches at the use of his first name. Oikawa’s face pops into his head and the scrunch gets worse.

She laughs again. “Well then what do _you_ call the girl you’re dating?”

“Since when have we been dating?”

“This weekend oh my god, you don’t remember? We went to eat frozen yogurt.”

“I did eat yogurt. But you weren’t there because I was at home.” Her laugh this time is genuine.

Kageyama looks around at the growing crowd around them, searching for a familiar face. He spots a few people; Sugawara, Tanaka, and Hinata namely, all three of them a little worried..

“To-bi-oo” _There it is again_ , he thinks; vaguely disgusted.

She taps her foot on the ground and shifts her weight. A few people around them start raising their eyebrows. Her playful facade is crumbling and she realizes she has to up the stakes.

With a soft pout of her lips she asks “Do you need something to jog your memory?”

“Yes?”

And in one, likely practiced motion, she tugs on the collar of his gakuran and pulls him into a soft, not entirely unpleasant kiss.

The crowd takes a collective breath. Some people laugh, some holler; Suga and Tanaka look at each other, their jaws dropped. But Hinata’s throat closes. It seems to take so long for the two to come apart. While his heart sputters he realizes how deeply uncomfortable he is, how unprepared he was for the scene before him, and how, unexpectedly, it was one he never wanted to watch.

A solid slap on the back shocks him out of his stupor. Tanaka guffaws at Shouyou’s expression, wide eyed and red faced.

“Are you jealous?”

Maybe he is.

 

\------

 

At evening practice Kageyama is a bit preoccupied. For once. And not even that much. It’s a little frustrating for Hinata, who is struggling to keep it together. When the team isn’t actively practicing, Kageyama stares into space, turning his water bottle over and over in his hands. It takes a moment to call him over, to get his attention. But once he’s back, once the volleyball is in or immediately out of his hands, his focus is steady.

Hinata, has forgotten whatever it is he’s doing repeatedly; the ball has hit his face several times. But he hardly notices - his brain is just not in it.

In a whisper that’s probably just as loud, if not louder than his normal voice, Nishinoya turns to Tanaka. “Why is Hinata so distracted, he’s not even the one that got kissed.” Unintentionally getting reaction out of Kageyama.

Red brushes his cheeks and the tips of his ears, obvious and intense on his fair skin. Taking a few steps away from the group Tobio tries to cover up - which Hinata thinks is unbearably cute, and now the gym has two flustered idiots, unable to look anyone in the eye or speak properly. But Hinata redirects his blush to Nishinoya before anyone notices otherwise.

After a lot of high pitched squeaking Daichi once again has to get everyone back in gear, and at first the two freshmen are even worse. But when threatened with early dismissal from practice, they finally find it in their volleyball hearts to focus.

 

\-----

 

Class the next day is a flurry of questions, with many more people talking to Kageyama than he’s used to. In the hoard of conversations he tries to clarify some things. He and that girl - whoever she is he still doesn’t know - are in no way dating, he did not want to kiss her, and again, he has no clue who she is. Unfortunately actions speak louder than words, and everyone’s response boils down to: Why are you ashamed of dating her? She’s beautiful.

Any attempt to correct that statement just results in laughing and the misinterpretation that Tobio is joking. When he tries to get up and see her again, in some reckless hope that this time she might say things to him that he can actually understand, the bell rings, and he dejectedly flumps back into his chair.

 

\-----

 

After school is when he actually gets to talk to her. On their way to the gym Hinata and Kageyama run into the problem child - whether or not she was waiting for them they’re not quite sure. Her demeanor still holds a ridiculous amount of confidence.

“Hey there Tobio-chan,” Addressing her self-proclaimed boyfriend but looking decidedly at Hinata. He puts his fists up instinctively but meekly. She scoffs. “I didn’t get to see you today.”

“I tried but lunch ended.”

“Oh?” She cocks her head curiously. “You tried to see me?”

“To tell you that we’re not dating. Everyone keeps insisting we are but we’re not. I don’t want to date you.” Tobio had never had to reject a girl this many times before. Normally they were almost immediately put off and accused him of being cold. But this time, instead of sadness, she gives off exasperation and malice.

“Listen. Why are you so put off by this? Why don’t you just date me? For real?” She looks at Hinata again. “I’m pretty and I get good grades, you’d have nothing to be ashamed about.”

“That’s what everyone else said too. But I don’t care about that, I don’t need or want a girlfriend. I just want to play volleyball. In fact, talking to you right now is going to make us late.” Kageyama turns to Hinata. “You can go back if you need to. You need to work on your shit receives anyway.”

“They’re not that bad! I’ll wait for you.” Hinata says, feeling slightly protective.

Mystery girl groans. “Really Tobio, you can’t spare couple hours to hang out with me? Volleyball’s just a club, God.”

Both boys bristle. She flinches briefly but doesn’t stop talking.

“Really why can’t you take the time to date me? You can’t honestly be spending every moment on volleyball. You just have to sit with me in a restaurant or walk me home or whatever.”

“No. I don’t want to.”

At that she pauses and then takes a few steps, backing Tobio against the wall, close enough that he can smell her shampoo. She looks up at him under her lashes.

“I’ll make it worth your while.”

The discomfort starts to eat at Hinata’s chest again. But seeing this girl, almost physically on top of Kageyama, and seeing how desperately uncomfortable she’s making _him_ , makes Hinata furious.

Tobio looks to Shouyou for help at first, his breathing a little jagged. But then he sees how much hatred Hinata’s little body is holding, and honestly it’s a bit frightening. Kageyama’s breathing slows again, but Hinata’s anger is palpable and troublesome. The girl notices their exchange, and in spite reaches to touch Kageyama’s side.

“No!” Tobio’s face reads pure distaste. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want to be your boyfriend.”

“What is this huh?” She steps back but is angrier now. “Do you wanna ruin my reputation or something?”

“N-no. I don’t understand the connectio-”

“I kissed you Kageyama.” Hinata hates the way she says his name. “In front of everyone. Are you gunna tell them all I forced you into it? Are you just gunna dump me here and tell everyone I was just some crazy girl after your dick?”

Incredible disbelief washes over Kageyama. Hinata’s at his wits end.

“That’s literally what you are. Just a few seconds ago you said ‘I’ll make it worth your while’ like you would have sex with him to make him be your boyfriend!” Temporarily forgetting himself in the heat of the moment Hinata takes a step closer, unabashed by anxiety as he often is. His spur-of-the-moment confidence makes the girl retract.

“Fine. Go. Leave. Practice or whatever the hell it is that’s so important. This isn’t over yet.”

She storms off, gone as fast as she came. As soon as she is both boys relax, as much as they can, and Hinata places a hand on Kageyama’s back.

“Are you ok?”

There’s a pause as Kageyama takes in a deep breath. His brow is still furrowed, but some of the tension in his face dissipates at Hinata’s touch, and he nods his head.

When they manage to get to the gym there’s quite a bit of surprise at their lateness, but both boys are quick to explain. Kageyama repeats the statement about his dick straight faced. Expectedly Nishinoya and Tanaka choke back laughter, hands on their knees or on each other to try and steady themselves. The third years look at each other worriedly. And as chance would have it, neither Takeda Sensei or Coach Ukai were able to cover practice that day; leaving Kageyama at least one more fretful day to deal with an increasingly aggressive nuisance.

Who actually, goes out of her way to visit him the next day.

She pulls him out of the classroom and to the hallway, curious first years quickly filling the corridor after them.

At first she seems relatively peaceful, and apologizes for picking a fight the day before. It doesn’t quite catch on with Kageyama. He can’t feel the bullshit in the apology but he knows her actions just aren’t lining up. He figures this must be what people mean when they someone is “two-faced”. But there’s always that overarching demandingness of hers, as if she has any right to dictate him.

And when she sees Hinata coming back from the restroom, that’s exactly what she tries to pull.

“You can’t be friends with him anymore.”

One hand pointing at Hinata like he’s dirt on the ground. She refuses to actually look at him, or acknowledge him outside of her distasteful gesture, and the now obvious lack of honesty in her apology mixed with the sudden demand throws Tobio off.

“What?”

“You can’t see him anymore!”

“No.”

“He was mean to me yesterday.”

“No he wasn’t.” Kageyama scoffs. That was probably the last thing on the list he’d use to describe Hinata. Firstly Hinata was a dumbass.

But sometimes he’d unknowingly give relatively good advice. Somehow, he actually managed to be kind of protective and noble, and if anything yesterday’s encounter just proves how _not_ “mean” Hinata is.

“He just burst in on our conversation like it was any of his business and told me off!”

“You deserved to be told off.”

She turns to Hinata now, who’s been watching, sort of in the conversation, sort of not - standing awkwardly on the edge of the crowd.

“You. Whatever your name is.”

“Hinata! My name is Hinata Shouyou!”

“It doesn’t matter - stop seeing Kageyama.”

“Am I not part of this conversation anymore?”

“How am I supposed to stop seeing him in we’re part of the volleyball team.”

“Quit the team!”

“No!” Kageyama physically turns the girl back to him. “There’s no way in _hell_ I would let him quit. We _need_ him.”

“Why do you always take his side over mine? It’s like you like him more than you like me.”

“Because he means more to me than you ever have or will.”

“ _Christ_ , Tobio how can you say that about me? I’m your girlfriend.”

“No! You. Are. Not!” He looks her in the eyes, tired and unaccepting of anything else she might possibly say. “Nowhere in the past two days have I ever agreed to being your boyfriend or said that I _wanted_ to be your boyfriend. You keep getting in my business and pretend it’s your own, but I don’t even _know_ you. I don’t even know your name. Whoever you are, 2nd year girl from class 3, stop wasting my time.”

There’s quiet. A pause as people look at each other. Someone snickers. The mystery girl looks genuinely distraught but only because her plan to have Kageyama Tobio as her compliant boyfriend is falling apart, and she has no way of stopping it. To try and save herself she starts to cry. Kageyama can’t tell if it’s fake or not.

“We’re _over_.”

“We never started.”

Her tears are definitely real now, but they’re rageful not sad. There’s a small fire still lit in her eyes, and Tobio can feel that this isn’t quite over yet. But for now, she stomps away leaving Kageyama alone and fuming in the middle of the hallway. Everyone else disperses, smirks playing on their lips.

Hinata has never been so happy to see Kageyama so angry.

 

\------

 

It doesn’t take too long before she returns. Its that evening in fact, immediately after practice. Her attack is sudden and jarring, and her insane dedication shows as she’s waited the entire span of practice to literally pounce on Kageyama and physically knock him to the ground.

“You’re a bastard, a _bastard_. Why couldn’t you just date me huh? Why’d you have to make everything so complicated huh?” Her punches are not light. Fortunately for Tobio, her actions are rash and crazed, and the whole rest of the team is ready and waiting. The others rush to restrain her, Takeda sensei exiting the gym just as she screams her last few cutting words at Tobio.

“What don’t you like about me - are you fucking gay or something?”

Tobio’s breathing slows down as she’s pulled away, Coach Ukai helping Takeda Sensei scold and bring her back to the school. She feels like an aberration. He stares at her as she dejectedly and cooperatively stumbles away. There’s a long moment of silence as everyone gets their bearings.

Tanaka helps Kageyama back to his feet and squeezes his shoulder in reassurance.

“Don’t worry Kageyama. It doesn’t matter that you’re gay.” Suga gives Tanaka a solid smack on the back of his head. He hisses in pain. “Ok no but really.” Suga prepares another smack and Tanaka’s eyes widen but he keeps talking. “ _If_ you were gay, it wouldn’t matter.” Tanaka kind of crouches and protects his head. Suga looks at him a bit longer.“Right Suga-san?”

“This is such a weird and awful way of bringing this up oh my god Tanaka.”

“Listen it went on longer than I thought it would -”

“Ok ‘gay is okay’ or whatever it is you want me to say please let us leave this god forsaken gym.”

Kageyama does a final dust off and picks up his bag, brow furrowed slightly. He looks over to Hinata to try and ascertain that everything that just happened was real, but the smaller boy looks a bit, shaken. He finds it a bit strange that after he was literally just physically assaulted he’s comforting someone else, but when he does Hinata apologizes. And after a few awkward back and forth reassurances that both boys are fine, Tobio notices Hinata staring off after Sugawara and Tanaka. He raises an eyebrow. Kageyama motions to them and blinks at Shouyou a couple of times. He blinks back, gives a quick smile and bow, and runs after their two senpai.

Kageyama doesn’t walk too far behind, watching Hinata whisper to the upperclassmen. A question is asked, Suga tilts his head. At some point both older boys laugh and Hinata squawks. Sugawara looks back at Kageyama for a moment, and then asks Hinata something, who blushes and hides his face.

The team’s walking pace slowly syncs up so everyone’s walking together again. Tanaka turns back to Kageyama.

“How’re you holding up? You look about the same as you always do, but that was pretty damn intense back there.” He closes his eyes in remembrance.

“I don’t understand why some people go out of their way to stir up trouble like that. Why would you waste so much effort.”

“That girl seemed particularly crazy.”

“She was really stubborn to have you. Even though you would make a terrible boyfriend anyway.” Hinata pipes in.

Kageyama puts on an angry pout. “Well I’d be better than you!”

“I’d make the _best_ boyfriend. I’d make sure to go on lots of dates and eat good food together! Of course I’d still have to make time for practice.” He looks at the ground, a little quieter now. “Wouldn’t it be cool to date someone who also played volleyball.”

The way Kageyama looks at Hinata almost reads as confusion. Or maybe anger. Hinata can’t really tell anything beyond the air of seriousness.

“Yeah. It would be best if I could date a spiker.”

Hinata laughs and looks away from Kageyama’s all-too-intense gaze. “Yeah! Or if I could date a setter!”

Their conversation gets a little side tracked at the sound of Suga chuckling in front of them. When Hinata looks up he sees Tanaka, lip quivering trying to hold back from saying anything. His nods his head a couple times, brow slightly furrowed, a slight smirk on his face. When Hinata looks at him betrayed he can’t hold it in any longer and sputters out a laugh taking Suga down with him. Tsukishima passes the other two first years up, Yamaguchi trailing him. He puts a hand on Hinata for a brief moment with an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah?”

And then Tsukishima walks away leaving Hinata to scream “I didn’t even say anything to you!” miffed and increasingly embarrassed.

Shouyou turns to reluctantly look back at Kageyama, hoping that maybe his expression has changed but no, it’s still very serious. But now he can tell that Kageyama is trying to piece everything together. His eyes are boring into Hinata’s skin and he flashes an awkward toothy smile for a mere 3 seconds, only to have it turn into pure, unadulterated frustration. He can almost see the list of explanations Kageyama’s going through. And finally he lands on the right one. Or at least, one that makes some sense.

Tobio looks away. He swallows and pushes his lips forward, trying to think his way out of it. Its not working. Hinata can tell by the blood rushing to the tips of his ears. He’d seen Kageyama blush more in the past 3 days than he thinks he probably ever has in his life, and every other time it was a blessing but right now it makes Hinata want to tear his face off.

For a moment Kageyama reaches to cover his ears, but he does so half heartedly, quickly giving up. His eyes search the ground, blinking. Then he looks back to Hinata.

“You look like you’re in pain.”

“...A little.”

“Why?”

Hinata’s expression must get worse because Kageyama retracts the question. Unfortunately he just replaces it with a worse one.

“Are you gay?”

Hinata’s jaw drops. “Oh my god.”

“Well?”

Hinata stops walking and puts his bike’s kickstand down so he can cover his face with both hands. He can’t see them, but he’s pretty sure the rest of the team has slowed down and is keeping an unwanted eye on the situation.

“I don’t think gay is the right word.” Shouyou finally manages to get out.

“Ok. Do you like boys at all?”

“KAGEYAMA PLEASE.”

“I NEED TO KNOW.”

Hinata looks at him, face pressed firmly between his hands. “...I...Yes.” Forcefully and suddenly Kageyama grabs Hinata’s shoulders. Hinata shrieks.

“You-”

“Please let go of me.”

“Ok I’m sorry.” Tobio lets go. And then looks rightfully embarrassed and puts a hand on his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t. Mean to get so aggressive.”

“It’s ok. You’re...forgiven.”

“Can. I ask you-”

“Please just this over with.”

“You said you have interest in boys.”

“Yes.”

“...Do you have interest in me.”

“Hhh my god.” Hinata takes in a deep breath and then looks pleadingly at the team which quickly disperses upon eye contact. “There’s...I…” He grumbles it out. “Yes.”

“I can’t tell what you’re saying.”

“Yes you idiot!”

The only thing audible is Shouyou’s ragged breathing. At first they both look at each other, wide eyed, but Tobio soon softens. And then smiles. Really wide and honest, and just, happy. It lasts for a long, wonderful second while Hinata takes in how beautiful Kageyama’s expression is and begins to drop his guard. But once the taller boy notices, he remembers his usual grumpy attitude and tries to hide his joy. And he fails miserably.

There’s a lot of smile in his pout, actually it’s mostly just smile only this time it’s more squished and to the side. Kageyama almost looks like he’s about to laugh as he looks away, and for once Hinata desperately misses the eye contact.

“So?” Shouyou squeaks trying to catch Kageyama’s eyes again.

“Oh! Uh...” Tobio is embarrassed and blinks, trying to think of what to do next. He hadn’t planned very far ahead. He takes Hinata’s hands. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

The hand holding alone is enough to do Hinata in, but the word boyfriend makes it worse. Unfortunately he can’t hide his face and hold Kageyama’s hands at the same time. When he tries, it winds up just pulling Tobio’s hands closer into himself, and then Kageyama just turns it all into a hug. After a moment Hinata hugs him back, his face is pressed against Kageyama’s chest, with no choice but hide his face in his shirt. He mumbles.

“Yes.”

“I can’t tell what you said.”

Hinata pats his boyfriend on the back.

 


	2. I Said No ThaNK YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kageyama Tobio briefly gets into the occult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright y'all I wasn't planning on writing a second chapter for this but like, it happened. This is much less uhhhh, "serious" as the last one, and includes a LOT of dialogue.

There’s only one person that can make Kageyama Tobio squirm. Wait no scratch that - there are only two people that can make Kageyama squirm. Oikawa Tooru, and some random chick that hit on him once.

Kageyama had _seen_ other people get hit on - he had the unfortunate displeasure of watching his upperclassman hit on many people before. But it was never what Tobio experienced. Oikawa never pinned people to the ground and called them gay.

But that’s what happened. Tobio was pushed to the ground and screamed at. Kageyama at first thought maybe this was normal, maybe he just hadn’t seen enough of the world yet, that hollywood and anime were in fact propaganda meant to lead the weak hearted into believing love was real.

However after getting the shit scared out of him and the girl dragged away to the dean’s office he was properly reminded of reality and what actual love feels like.

Yes. Love. That was...definitely the word to describe it. Neither one had said it out loud yet, but sometimes he looked at Hinata and his hair seemed too bright to look at and it made his stomach feel really weird. And if that’s not love Kageyama has no clue what that word means. If love doesn’t mean holding your boyfriend’s hand while walking home from school, or freaking out over his new garbage disposal together and accidentally clogging it with an innumerable quantity of baby carrots, then Hollywood really is a lie.

But thank God it’s not. Because now Kageyama can put a little heart emoji after Hinata’s name in is phone and no one can stop him. And no one can know. (Don’t tell anyone).

The two of them have been in the honeymoon stage for about a month now. But that might just be the nature of Hinata’s personality; everything seems wonderful when he’s in the picture. God that girl really hit the nail on the head with that “gay” comment.

Speaking of which, there is only one person that can make Kageyama Tobio squirm. And he is currently hiding behind the vending machine trying to avoid her.

He fumbles his phone out of his pocket and texts Hinata, fingers shaking with anxiety.

KageyamaTobio: Hinata

KageyamaTobio: Hinata

KageyamaTobio: Hinata

Hinata <3: What

KageyamaTobio: Hinata

Hinata <3: WHAT

KageyamaTobio: Do you remember that one time a girl tackled me to the ground and called me gay

Hinata <3: Yes. Very clearly that’s how we got together. Why would I not remember this.

KageyamaTobio: Shut up

Hinata <3: i cant shut up ur texting me

KageyamaTobio: She’s here

Hinata <3: wait what

KageyamaTobio: I went down to get milk from the vending machine

KageyamaTobio: She’s here

Hinata <3: do u need me to come down there??? ill fight her (ᓄಠ_ಠ)ᓄ

KageyamaTobio: Nononoononoo

KageyamaTobio: Do not come down.

“Kageyama?”

KageyamaTobio: Shit she saw me.

KageyamaTobio: Goodbye.

Hinata <3: u sound like ur gunna die please don’t die

Hinata <3: …

Hinata <3: kageyama?

Hinata <3: U BETTER NOT BE DEAD.

Tobio shoves the phone in his pocket as it buzzes angrily at him. The girl standing in front of him is surprisingly much less angry.

“What are you doing here?”

He takes a moment to respond, eyeing her warily, debating his next move.

“Milk.”

“What?”

“Every day at 12:03 pm, I come down the west staircase to come to this vending mach-”

“Ok yes. Got it. Cool. You are getting milk from this vending machine. Did you...get it yet?” She eyes his empty hands.

He smashes the two buttons on the upper left side of the machine.

“Jesus, are you always that aggressive?”

“Are you?”

He tries to maintain eye contact, grabbing blindly for his milk.

“Ok well....” She squints at him. “I’m going to go now. Before any teachers see me talking to you, restraining order and all that.”

After nodding at her curtly, Tobio doesn’t wait for her to leave. He bolts up the stairs. When he reaches the classroom he accidentally throws the door open startling everyone inside. He scuttles over to Hinata and Yachi.

“Are you ok?” Hinata asks, putting one hand on Kageyama’s shoulder worriedly.

“Yes…”

Yachi and Hinata exchange glances.

“She was, surprisingly nice.”

“Hmn...What do you mean by ‘nice’?”

“She let me go without really talking to me. She asked ‘what are you doing here?’ and ‘jesus are you always that aggressive?’ but not much else.”

“Uhhh,” Yachi smiles at him through her teeth. “What, uh, what did you do that spurred those questions?”

“I hadn’t actually gotten my milk yet so I smacked the vending machine buttons.”

“Why did you smack them?”

“Emphasis.” Hinata accepts this answer.

“So besides that she just let you go?”

“Actually she respectfully left first.”

“Ha, maybe she’s an imposter.” The end of Hinata’s sentence tapers into distrust.

“Or maybe she’s planning something.” Yachi offers.

With a sudden intake of breath Kageyama’s eyes widen. _Yes, that must be it_ , he thinks. _She’s planning something. But what?_

“Oh no,” Hinata worries.

 _She’s my senpai._ _She tried to get me to be her boyfriend. She didn’t listen to me ever._

“What, what’s he doing?” Yachi turns to Hinata as Kageyama stares blankly at the table.

_She didn’t call Hinata by his name. She treated me poorly. She occasionally runs into me when I least expect it and I try to hide from her but she still talks to me._

“He’s thinking. You don’t normally see this outside of court. When he’s on court he has like, a ball to look at or the ceiling but right now he doesn’t have a center of focus so it just looks like he’s zoned the fuck out.”

 _She’s_ **_just like Oikawa_ **. He concludes. And that can only mean one thing.

“ _She is a witch and is going to curse me_.”

\------

Before he jumps to conclusions Kageyama needs to do a little bit of research. Is this girl _actually_ a witch? Or is she, like Oikawa, pretending to be one so that she can blackmail him into cleaning the club room and buying milk bread for her every day?

Kageyama doubts it’s the milk bread. Even she’s not _that_ bad.

So obviously, she must be a witch. He just needs one more piece of evidence before he can make a solid conclusion.

“Are you talking about Watanabe?” Tanaka takes a swig from his water bottle.

“I...still don’t actually know her name.”

“You’re talking about the girl that like, terrorized you last month right?”

“Yes. Her.”

“Well, I have one class with her. It’s English so I sort of _try_ to pay attention but you know how that goes,” Kageyama nods knowingly. “She actually sits right in front of me so I guess I have a ‘good view’ of her but all I ever see is her drawing in her notebook.”

“What does she draw?”

“She draws mountains. Like almost only mountains. Also she always draws them at night.”

Nishinoya jumps into the conversation excitedly. “I have art with her! She does the same thing there - just mountains and nighttime and mountains and nighttime. She’s actually pretty decent at it too.”

“Noya-san, you’re in art class?” Tanaka looks taken aback.

“Yes every day I cut off my left ear and paint in variants of blue.”

“Anyway yea. That’s all I can give you,” with a shrug Tanaka takes another drink. “She draws and paints a lot of nighttime mountains.”

“With little hearts around them.” Nishinoya adds.

“With little hearts around them.” Tanaka agrees.

“Wait a second who are we talking about?” Genuinely interested, Tsukishima interjects, making a few eyebrows raise. “Are we talking about the she-witch from last month?”

Kageyama takes a sharp intake of breath at the word “witch” and everyone in the conversation backs off for a second. Tanaka eyes him for a second to make sure he’s ok before resuming.

“Yes.”

“And you’re saying she draws a lot of nighttime mountains.”

“We said that just about 3 times, yes.”

“Are they pretty dark, ya know pretty shadowy mountains?”

“Well, yes, what the fuck else would they be they’re at night.”

“So they’re in shadows - Kage.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And they’re mountains.”

“Yes.”

“Yama.” Tobio throws his bottle on the ground. “Kage-yama.”

“SHE IS A WITCH AND IS GOING TO CURSE ME.”

\------

Thanks to Tsukishima’s astute observation Kageyama has all the evidence he needs. Now he just needs to find out how to stop himself from being cursed, or stop the girl from existing.

Normally people get rid of witches by burning them at the stake, but after a solid talk with Yamaguchi, Tobio thinks that’s not going to happen. And Kageyama figures - witches, curses, demons, black magic, all the same thing. So salt is the next best option after murder. And after last time, his mom only looks at him with slight surprise to see him pouring salt in his pockets.

But much to his chagrin it doesn’t really work. He’d leaned outside the classroom window while the girl exited the building, tossing salt onto her by the handful. Needless to say she looked up at the feeling of suddenly being covered in salt and got some in her eyes. And then she screamed. In pain. Which yes, that’s a little bit of what Kageyama had been hoping for, but there wasn’t as much dissolving as he thought there would be.

That night he’d gone to Hinata’s house disappointed. But they watched _The Wizard of Oz_ with Natsu, and Kageyama remembered _Oh right shit. You put water on witches not salt_.

His mother looks at him a little more worriedly when he tries to put water in his pockets.

(Also the water doesn’t work, it just results in a lot of crying).

For a second it makes Tobio doubt his witch theory, but he remembers all the cold, hard, solid evidence he has, and thinks _No, I just have to do more research_...

\------

“Why are you...so dry?” Hinata remarks after taking Kageyama’s hand. He scrutinizes him further. “Oh my god Tobio! Why is like, your entire body chapped?”

As per usual the team is walking slowly down the hill away from Karasuno, hovering around the Sakinoshita store to get snacks. Ever since _The Incident_ _tm_ that got the two together, Tobio and Shouyou have held hands on the walk home almost every single day. The first couple of days they skirted around it, unsure of how to accept their newly acknowledged relationship; Hinata smiling purposefully and Kageyama trying his hardest to return it. But eventually Kageyama had edged his pinky around Hinata’s, not looking him in the eyes. And the next day Shouyou pulled Tobio’s hand fully into his.

It was sweet and warm, and in the beginning it made their hearts flutter every time one took the other's hand. But it had started to work into routine. (Ok it still made Tobio’s heart flutter if he thought too much about it).

Holding Kageyama’s hand every day, Hinata learned what it felt like, the lightly callused skin of the palm of his hand versus the softer skin of the back of it. Shouyou _also_ knew that Tobio kept careful tabs on the health of his hands. Hinata hadn’t really thought about it too much before Tobio brought it up once, and now he knows how important hand-care is to Kageyama.

Which is why it’s so surprising that after only 2 weeks after the mystery girl accidentally wandered back into Tobio’s life, he suddenly let his hands go to shit. They were a little rough and sometimes Shouyou’s fingers would catch on the little pricks of the dry skin on Tobio’s knuckles.

“Wikihow says the first step to getting rid of a demon is to clean your personal space. And since my room is already very clean the only thing left is to make sure _I_ am clean.” Tobio’s expression is 100 percent genuine.

Hinata mouths the word _wikihow_ to himself a couple of times in disbelief. “Well what did you do clean yourself with sandpaper?”

“No I used a washcloth, I just scrubbed really hard.” Shouyou doesn’t have much to say to that, only pinching his brow together.

“Here!” Yachi pulls out a bottle of lotion from her bag, squirts out a dollop and puts it on Tobio’s arm.

He retracts and firmly says “No! I must be [pure](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSJSWy2o_1I),” and whips out a bottle of hand sanitizer. He rubs it along his arm, desperate to get the lotion off. Tsukishima walks by laughing as if remembering something.

Unfortunately that only covered step one.

At the end of practice the next day Tsukishima squints and frowns at Tobio’s forearm. “Is that...a cross?”

“I’m building up my spiritual protection.” Kageyama retorts. Hinata dances around him and grabs hold of his wrist rather violently.

“Is this a tattoo?”

“It’s a temporary one.” Tsukishima scoffs.

Yamaguchi adds, “Tsukki would know, he has a bunch of dinosaur ones at home.”

“Can you stop like, outting me like this?”

“No.”

Hinata smiles with amusement and lets Yamaguchi continue to flirt(?), absentmindedly picking at Kageyama’s tattoo.

The taller boy pulls his arm away. Quickly like he had with Yachi. “I’m building up my spiritual protection.” he says again, a slight whine in his voice. He shuffles over to his bag and pulls out a small booklet, the word “Christian Tattoos” on the front, and carefully tears one out. After placing it on his arm he squirts his water bottle at it and water drips onto the floor.

Tsukishima tries not to laugh too hard and puts a hand on the wall to steady himself.

While Kageyama holds the tattoo to his arm Hinata pulls up the wikihow article on his phone. The next few steps are “Get rid of objects that might provoke too much negativity or bad vibes”, “cleanse your area”, “perform a serious banishing ritual” - he stops right there. As he reads through their descriptions Kageyama pulls up the paper backing a little bit too early accidentally warping the tiny Jesus face he had been so diligently trying to mark himself with. Tobio gasps in shock and Shouyou snorts at it despite being vaguely worried.

“Tobio…” Hinata lets the word fall out of his mouth, a little unsure of what he even wants to say. “You...know that witches, aren’t...real right? And demons. Which one did you think she was again?”

Contemplating, Kageyama doesn’t respond right away. “I guess I thought a witch at first,” There’s a look on his face like he wants to believe Hinata, but he can’t quite. He can’t fully trust him. “I kind of switched back and forth between witch and demon.”

“And,” Shouyou repeats. “You know they’re both, not real right?

Kageyama stands there, lips still hard pressed into a line, the gears turning in his head. “Well...I thought they were...aren’t they?”

As Hinata starts to try and explain things, Tadashi and Kei decide to butt in too. Eventually all three of them coax Kageyama into understanding. _No Kageyama_ , Tsukishima had said rather harshly, _The Exorcist isn’t a documentary, Oikawa was lying to you_.

This time on the walk home Kageyama accepts Yachi’s lotion. He rubs his hands together, a focused, thoughtful look on his face. Taking Shouyou’s hand he scrunches up his nose.

"So, what _can_ I do about this girl?"

\------

The rubber is soft in his hands, the underside reflective and retains the shape of his nail a few seconds after he presses into it. It smells like tires - factory made plastic. But the outside is very vaguely textured like human skin, the thin layer of spray paint over it reddens slightly at the plastic cheeks, imitating a blush.

Kageyama hates it.

He sits there, brows knotted as he pokes at the faux hair, the worst part of it, brown and perfect but also made of plastic and he can’t figure out how it works.

“I thought you know, this girl’s sort of, really scary right?” Yachi’s voice is strained. Tobio’s face is triggering her fight or flight instincts. “She tried to like, force you into a relationship with...domination tactics or something?”

Kageyama’s face unscrunches when he looks up to her and nods; eyes wide and earnest. It relaxes Yachi a little.

“I was thinking maybe then, you should try to like, out-scare her.”

“That’s a good idea,” He holds the mask out at a distance. “It’s certainly frightening.”

When he puts it on it oddly sticks to his face. Yachi offers him a mirror and smiles at him.

“It looks awful!” she chimes.

“It really does.” Looking at the mirror is a little disturbing, Oikawa’s face looking back at him but with his own eyes poking through. A need to punch himself in the face keeps resurfacing but Tobio reminds himself it’s just a mask. “Where did you get this?”

“I got it from Kiyoko-san!”

He takes the mask off to look at her properly. He blinks. “What?”

“Well, I got it from Kiyoko-san, and she got it from Tsukishima...who got it from Kuroo.”

“Is that...is that the end of the list?”

“Who got it from Bokuto, who got it from Ushiwaka who got it from Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Who as they put it, in a failed attempt to summon the devil himself, accidentally knocked oikawa out, made a silicone mold of his face, sent it into a tech school to have it scanned and then tweaked on a computer to add textures and colors, then sent the blueprints to a company that then printed off an enlarged version of the mold into what you have in your hands. At least, that’s what I remember.”

There’s a pause.

“I’m never letting this out of my sight.”

\------

The next evening has Shouyou a little bit worried. His boyfriend hadn’t shown up to practice, which _never ever ever happens where is he ._

 ~~All~~ Some of his questions are answered when he checks his phone at the end of the day.

(♡´艸`) Tobioooヽ(愛´∀｀愛)ノ: I got suspended.

 

\------

 

Sugawara greatly wishes, more than ever, that Kageyama was here right now. He’d felt really conflicted about it before, you know with the whole “will I be replaced” thing looming over his head, but no. Now he really, desperately wants Tobio to replace him.

 _Please. Hinata is going to drive him insane_.

“I can’t believe Kageyama got suspended. He can’t come to practice if he’s suspended this is horrible this is terrible.”

 _Apparently there are two modes of anxiety for Hinata Shouyou_ , Suga internally muses. _He either projectile vomits, or he goes insane._ The redhead hasn’t been able to shut up for the past 10 minutes. Luckily for everyone he still has the ability to focus when he’s actually needed, but every break he gets his mind wanders immediately back to the problem at hand. Which, Suga will admit, is not a simple problem, but _Jesus Christ_ he had no idea Hinata could get even more energetic, and he has no idea how Kageyama manages all of...this.

“Did he say for how long?” Tanaka attempts to alleviate some of the pressure on Suga.

“One week.”

Suga groans, imagining the rest of the week to be pretty much the same. He hopes not, he hopes Hinata can still get some attention from Kageyama after school to maybe ease his worry.

“It’s ok Hinata,” Maybe he can bait Shouyou into calming down. “He’ll come back soon, a week isn’t that long. Plus, I’m sure it’s hard on Kageyama too.” To Suga’s delight it works for a moment.

“I know…I know it’s hard for him. He came to my house yesterday and I’ve never seen him so tense,” That gets a hum of sympathy from Suga.

“And he like, wore that Oikawa mask right?” _Is that how Kageyama relaxes?_ “And I opened my door and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of Natsu too, but she kicked him in the shins, not realizing who it was at our door, and like, Tobio screamed and I don’t think you’ve ever heard him scream but it sounded like...like nothing you’ve ever heard. It sounded like this-”

Hinata takes in a deep breath but Suga quickly jumps over and clasps his hand over the smaller boy’s mouth.  

“How many days ago did you say he got suspended?”

\------

“Stop. Please stop.” Tsukishima looks at Hinata warily over his glasses. Eyes wide and confused Hinata pauses to meet his gaze. “Normally you two are better at like, not being fucking disgusting in front of other people.”

“I’m not even doing anything that bad!”

“Yes you are, you’re kissing his hand like, repeatedly. This is lunch we are eating lunch, and unless your lunch consists of Kageyama’s hands, please. Stop.”

Huffy, Shouyou crosses his arms. “I was worried about his hands is all - he wasn’t taking care of himself for a while!” Tobio reluctantly pulls his hand away, blush dusting his ears but fingers gently ghosting over where Hinata had kissed.

“Ok but that doesn’t mean you need to cannibalize him in front of all of us.”

“They were dry kisses! I did it like! Three times!”

“It’s ok,” Yamaguchi reassures him. “Tsukki just doesn’t know what love feels like.”

“Excuse me?” Tsukishima says sharply, motioning between the two of them. “Then what is this huh??”

That starts a whole other conversation that neither Kageyama nor Hinata are going to get into. Letting the other two flirt(?) again (it’s really weird that Tsukishima bothers them so much considering his relationship with Yamaguchi is ultimately the weirder one) Kageyama sips pensively at his milk.

He’d been back at school for the past couple of days and it was relieving. While going to school and trying to avoid the crazy girl was stressful, not being able to practice with the team and not being able to see Shouyou all day was even worse. But now he’s back, and he gets to spend little moments like this again, gently playing with Hinata’s hair, the both of them plus Yachi watching Tsukishima and Yamaguchi try and repeatedly one-up each other. After a while though it gets a little confusing and goes past Kageyama’s vocabulary and he starts to zone out.

Yachi seizes the moment and apologizes for maybe the fifth time for getting Kageyama suspended. But he assures her it’s fine. Tobio did get temporarily kicked out of school but Hinata had taken some very ominous photos of him in the mask, and together they sent a series of obscure messages to Oikawa. Of course Oikawa had both of their numbers so he knew who the pictures were from, but they think that just heightened the effect. Oh also they sent the same photos with much friendlier texts to Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and Iwaizumi and they graciously decided to gift Tobio the mask. He knows what he’s being for halloween this year.

Upon mention of the mask Kei brings his flirting to a halt.

“Have you actually figured out what to do about that girl?”

Kageyama tries to avoid the thought a little longer by focusing on his milk, but he’s already reached the bottom of the box. He sets it delicately on the table and pouts. “...No.”

“Do you really need to do anything?” There’s a hint of worry in Shouyou’s voice. “The past couple of weeks haven’t you gone out of your way to find her more times than she’s found you?”

“He brings up a good point. But,” Tsukishima closes his bento. “She still needs to be dealt with.”

Everyone else looks at him quizzically, waiting for him to explain.

“Ok so she’s kind of...moved on to me a little bit.”

Yamaguchi whips his head to look Tsukishima dead in the eyes. . “What? When? Why?”

“I saw her in the halls once, and like, we made eye contact. But it was a really weird type of eye contact like, it felt like she was looking through me, or into me, or something.”

“Is that it? She just, looked at you?” Hinata raises an eyebrow.

“Listen I’m not done. So the next day when I was switching out my shoes I found a letter in my shoe box, so I responded and put one in her shoe box-”

“Wait what the hell. Like, traditional letters?” Tadashi squints.

“Yeah, but like I said we’ve just been shoving them in each other’s shoe boxes.”

“Ok. Now...what were they about?”

“I was gunna get to that before you interrupted me-”

“Are they like...are they love le-”

“They’re hate letters.” Yamaguchi breathes a small sigh of relief. “But also-” Yamaguchi frowns. “We were talking about what we think the most effective method of killing a person is, and she thinks it’s probably best to go for the fourth intercostal space, but I say it’s the kidneys. Also she called me a pussy because I don’t want to test it out-”

“Uhhh,” Yachi tries to interject.

“I asked her if she’d ever tried it out, because I wanted to like A) make fun of her and B) make sure I wasn’t actually talking to a psychopath, and she told me no and added a little frowny face.”

“So wait is there anything actually...wrong with her?” Hinata questions Kei again.

“No there’s nothing wrong with her she’s just annoying. And she left a moldy strawberry that had an angry face carved into it in my shoebox. I think she did it to mock me. To make fun of who I am as a person.”

“Why,” Yamaguchi laughs a couple times. “Why is that what you thought?”

“Because that’s what she does in her letters. That’s what we do to each other, that’s the language we speak.”

Shouyou folds his hands on the table and looks a little more serious than what this conversation is dissolving into. “I know you said she ‘moved on’ to you, but do you know if she’s still into Kageyama?”

Tsukishima nods with confidence.

“Ok so. Uh...” Stoic as ever Kageyama turns it all over in his mind. “What do we do?”

“Tsukishima can we send you on a mission to talk to her?” Hinata asks.

“No. There’s no profit in it for me. I know that I have the most interaction with Watanabe,”

 _Oh yeah she has a name._ Tobio thinks.

“But I don’t want to actually have to talk to her with my mouth.”

“Yeah you’re only willing to hand write letters to her on a schedule.” Yamaguchi grumbles out the words.

“Are you angry with me?”

“...A little bit.”

“Do you want me to write passive aggressive hate mail to you too?”

“No please don’t. I don’t think think I’d be able to handle that at all.”

Tsukishima bobs his head. “Yeah. That’s why I uh, don’t do that to you.”

“:)”

“How are you doing that, I’m talking to you face to face. How did you accomplish that.”

“:)))”

“I think I’m having an aneurism.”

The bell rings. For some reason that seemed like the longest lunch period they’d ever had and Kageyama is intensely  wracking his brain for some sort of solution.  But he comes up empty and kind of tired.

After practice he takes Shouyou’s hand in his as usual, squeezing it a little tighter this time. Hinata rubs the back of his hand with his thumb. It’s soothing.

“You know you could...just leave her alone.” Shouyou’s voice is small.

“But she’s bothering Tsukishima now.”

“Since when have you cared about Tsukishima. Also, he can handle a moldy strawberry or two I don’t know why he’s even asking you for help on this.”

Kageyama shrugs. It’s true, and if anything actually comes of their interactions, if anything happens the same way it happened to Kageyama, he’s inclined to think less people are going to believe her this time around. Also Kei could probably get his own restraining order.

Neither of them say anything else for a while. But it’s mutually understood that Kageyama’s resolved to leave the issue alone. There’s not much he can do at this point.

Hinata rests his head on Kageyama’s arm for a moment. “Do you wanna go on a date this weekend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...hope you enjo ye d  
> Will there be more chapters to this? Mma ybe.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is reading this, if you have critiques please give them to me, I desperately need it.


End file.
